


Testing, Testing, 1-2-3...

by the_angst_alchemist



Series: Testing [1]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Cecil is a terrible boss, Cecil is very anti-Steve Carlsberg, Dana is very confused, Dana's POV sort of not really, Ep 73. Triptych, Episode: e019 The Sandstorm, Fate Worse Than Death, Gen, Graphic descriptions of post-strex Kevin, In which I attempt to explain my pain over people who've never met, Kevin doesn't deserve pain, Kevin is a sunshine child and should be protected, Look at this child, Not A Fix-It, Pre-Strex Kevin, Triptych anti-fix, Watch me stab him with everything, You love him right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 11:43:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6853255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_angst_alchemist/pseuds/the_angst_alchemist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On March 15, 2013, Dana finds the strangest report from Desert Bluffs. She responds, and meets a strange man who says he is going to die due to a company named "Strexcorp". A Sandstorm rages, though, and brings with it things that she shouldn't see....<br/>Aka: WEIRD FANFIC WHERE DANA MEETS PRE-STREX KEVIN, AND THEN SANDSTORM HAPPENS, AND WE CRY. Or at least I cry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Testing, Testing, 1-2-3...

The first broadcast had been half screaming and half yelling for help before Dana replied. The man's voice had been starting to grow hoarse when she finally said something. He yelled at the top of his lungs: "Someone help me! Someone please listen to me! They're trying to change me, I need to talk, to tell someone, please!" He screamed. Dana checked the car radio and where it said the transmission was from. "Desert Bluffs Community Radio" answered her glance. "Someone reply. I have a radio. I am searching the airwaves for anyone. If you just say my name, I'm sure I'll find you. Kevin Palmer, Voice of Desert Bluffs."  
Dana was quick to get a broadcasting kit and a radio when she entered the Night Vale studio. The man was still yelling, crying at times. "P-please. I don't want to change."  
"This is a transmission for Kevin Palmer, Voice of Desert Bluffs. Come in, Kevin."  
A sharp intake of breath startled her. "A PERSON! Oh, hello, listener--I suppose I should call you my co-host, actually! Or even the host of this, seeing as I'm probably going to be fired. I'm Kevin, as you know. And you are?" He spoke quickly, leaving Dana's head reeling.  
"Dana Cardinal, Intern of Night Vale. Nice to meet you, Kevin."  
"Can you help me?"  
"What do you need help with?"  
"There's a company who took over MY studio, and they're trying to take over my soul too. I know they can do it, they did it to Intern Vanessa. Poor Vanessa.... I'm not even sure if she's still alive now. If you're listening, Vanessa's family, she's sadly perished, and I know I will miss her!" His tone rose in panic.  
"Kevin. You said you needed help. I can't come to Desert Bluffs and help; I'm sorry. But what I can do is get you information and get you help from someone in Desert Bl-"  
"Desert Bluffs is gone, Dana Cardinal. I'm sorry, I don't want to say it, but Strexcorp has taken everything and everyone I know and turned them into things I don't want to know. It's not only my studio. They got others first. The pizza place, the labs, the schools, the Secret Police--They're all gone. Unneeded, they say, we're going to be--" he put on a mocking voice for a moment "--'Productive, perfect, and perpetually happy through the way of the Smiling God!' I'd rather die than go that way. That way's covered in blood and lies!" He yelled, obviously upset by this.  
"Kevin. Calm down. I'm sure there's someone."  
"Where? If you notice, no one in my town even replied to my emergency broadcast." Kevin sighed.  
"No company can take over a whole town. How long has it been since they arrived? When did you figure out what was happening?"  
"A month or two, max. And I just found out yesterday. My... my boyfriend... I guess he's my ex-boyfriend now.... He hadn't come home in days, so I went to his workplace, and I found him there.... He was smiling. But it wasn't a smile. No, no. Nowhere NEAR a smile. More like a scar on his face. His... Yeah, you won't care to hear me talk about him... I asked 'Why haven't you come home, Dylan?' And he only smiled wider. I thought it was impossible. His face looked like it was going to break. Then he said, 'There's no need to, Kevin! I've got everything I need right here.' I thought I would cry right then--Guess I got lucky. So of course, I asked 'What about me? Don't you need me?' And he said 'No. I'm doing great with just my work!' And went back to his... His job. He didn't even bother to care about how I would feel. He never would do that, Dana. He's a great guy. Was. Strexcorp got to him. Strexcorp got my boyfriend. I saw their triangle logo, and I saw what they did to him, and what they did to Vanessa, and what they'll do to me..."  
"It's okay. If I have anything to do with it, they won't get you. Is there anyone you know who's still okay? People on the outskirts of town? Any closer neighbors than Night Vale?"  
"No, no, and no. I just need to talk, I guess. Sorry if I'm a bit annoying or anything. I just.. Well, I'm panicking. I always told Desert Bluffs we were gonna be okay. I told everyone that it was going to be fine, and now it looks like I lied to everyone." He sighed.  
"I'm sure they won't blame you. Sorry about this, but you did say that they're basically brainwashed. It's not like they'll think your saying they'll be okay is a lie." She winced. "I'm really sorry, Kevin.... Your situation sounds terrible."  
They paused for a moment, until Kevin replied. "You said Night Vale, right? I think... Yeah. Is Cecil the Voice there?"  
"Yeah. Are you two friends?" Dana replied.  
"It's complicated... Oh, goodness, he won't even know me, he said he was from the future after all..."  
"The future?"  
"Yeah! But that's for another time--Pun intended." Kevin laughed slightly, nervously. Dana tried to smile. "Oh, hey, if I contacted the future once, maybe I did it again. What year is it where you are?"  
"2013. March 15, 2013."  
"Woah. I did it again, you're in the future too. Does Desert Bluffs exist still? Is Strexcorp still there?" He asked, brightening up again. Dana shrugged.  
"I don't know--I've never been outside of Night Vale."  
"Oh... Okay, that's okay. Maybe Cecil would know? Is he is the middle of a broadcast? I don't want to disrupt that..."  
Dana paused, and looked. Sure enough, the "On Air" sign was lit. She winced. She should be working when it was lit.  
"I'll be back afterwards, Kevin--I've got to do my job. Talk to you later!" Dana ended, then dropped the broadcasting kit. A new sound--music?--cut in on the radio just as she turned it off.  
A quick glance through a window showed her a sandstorm outside, probably government-made. She didn't worry about it, and settled down to do her job. It wasn't much--taking calls and informing Cecil about the message from Old Woman Josie were about it--until the figure entered from outside. She had been printing out an email at the time someone opened and shut the door. While walking to the copy room, she got a closer look at the figure. It looked exactly like her. She quickly grabbed a letter opener, the only thing on hand that could be considered a weapon--except perhaps the stapler. A flash of movement startled her, and the two Dana's began their fighting.  
A minute later it stopped. Dana stood over a corpse, still bleeding, and in one hand she clutched a broken stapler. In her other she picked up the email printout as Cecil entered the room, obviously confused. "You--What--" he stammered for a moment, looking between them. "Which one of you is Intern Dana?"  
Dana shrugged, and handed over the email. Cecil started to read it, and groaned after a couple seconds. "Steve Carlsberg..." he complained before leaving again--After all, sponsored messages don't last forever, and he would have to spend at least a little time actually reading the email, whether he wanted to or not. Dana tried to clean up a bit (Putting the stapler and letter opener back, putting the corpse in the necessary trash can) before going back to the room.  
When she looked into the room Cecil usually occupied, however, she only saw a black portal on the wall and an empty chair. Cecil had probably gone through, she thought. A man walked out the minute she thought that, however. He looked like Cecil, but she knew somehow that it was not Cecil. Perhaps it was the black dress pants or yellow sweater vest, but more likely it had something to do with his unnerving smile and his bloodstained hands. She stared at him, hoping he could not see her watching.  
"Hello? Hello, Desert Bluffs? What is this studio?" he asked, confused, as he sat at the desk. His voice was familiar, and much higher than Cecil's soothing voice. "Hey there, Desert Bluffs! I don’t know if you can hear me. Kevin here." Dana froze in her seat. Kevin Palmer, the man she had talked to earlier that day. If this was him in the future... She quickly scanned for a name badge, and her hopes were dashed to pieces when she saw an orange triangle logo next to the radio tower. "I don’t know where I am. It’s a radio studio, but the walls are darker. The equipment looks much older. Certainly much drier than it should be." she shuddered. It was very dry, yes, as it should be. Perhaps he meant wet with blood like that which stained his hands. "The microphone was made… when? Have I gone back in time?" he put his hands on the microphone. Dana winced at the knowledge of how much cleaning it would take to get off. Kevin turned, and she ducked down to avoid being seen.  
"Vanessa! Are you in the booth?" She swallowed. The intern Kevin had mentioned with Strexcorp. "Listeners, if you can hear me, I am in a strange place. I do not know if I am in Desert Bluffs, or if anyone can hear me. The sandstorm rages outside. The vortex is still there, only it’s black–almost a deep blue. There’s a low hum. I do not know if this is the portal, or the storm, or my own body. There is a photo here on the desk." he said, looking at it. Cecil's picture. He had it only to remind himself of his appearance--Without mirrors, he hardly knew.  
"It is a man. He is wearing a tie. He is not tall or short, not thin or fat. He has eyes like mine and a nose like mine, and hair like mine, but I do not think he is me. Maybe it is the smile. Is that a smile? I can’t say. I do hope he is safe, whoever–wherever he is. I hope I am safe, wherever–whoever I am.  
"It is night. I think it is night. It is night. You may not know me, nor I you, but we have this mic, and this voice, and your warm ears blossoming open to hear comforting secrets in the vibrations of a voice that pulse so deep into your body, your heart relaxes for a time.  
"And we have this, sitting right here on this odd and bloodless desk. So now, dear listeners, whoever you are, I give you the weather." he finished before getting up and walking back into the portal, giving a look around one more time. Dana slowly got up, and sat down. She was still shaking.  
As soon as the music ended (and she finally stopped shaking) Cecil returned. He looked worse for the wear, and his shoes tracked blood from the portal to his chair. He began to speak, but Dana could not listen. Her mind was on other things. Specifically, what to say if Kevin asked what happened in the future. The vision of that bloodstained man with the horrible grin was etched into her mind, and she shuddered at the thought of what the man on the radio--Just like Cecil, it seemed--must have gone through to become the monster that passed through NVCR.  
The broadcast did not end as soon as she had hoped, but she finally was able to resume her conversation with Kevin afterwards. She settled down with the kit and radio.  
"Kevin Palmer, this is Dana Cardinal. If you can hear me, say something." After a few minutes of repeating, she finally found an answer.  
"Hey, Dana!" Kevin's voice replied. "Thanks again for replying." He was obviously upset still, giving her hope that it wasn't too late. For just a second she smiled, trying to figure out what this Kevin was like. He seemed kind enough, always smiling, and as deeply in love with Dylan as Cecil was with Carlos. Dana stopped when she remembered what Kevin became again, and wondered if just maybe there was a chance to change that future.  
That hope failed after only twenty minutes of chatting between the two. "Dana. Dana, you're breaking up." Kevin said, his own voice nearly impossible to detect through the static that had just began. Dana tried to reply, but stopped when a new voice interrupted her.  
"Hello, Kevin and Dana." The voice said in its deep and menacing way. "We have been alerted by a citizen of Desert Bluffs that you two are taking an extremely... Inappropriate stance on our beloved Strexcorp. This behavior will not be tolerated, Kevin. Dana, we are unable to pursue charges against you, as you are not in Desert Bluffs, but we formally request that you cease this behavior. Kevin, we have told you twice now that you must stop this disruptive behavior, and that we will not hurt you. Dylan is happy now. You will be too, if you stop this silly 'revolution' you are planning. We are tracking your signal now, and we will be with you shortly to help you. We hope to see you soon." The static returned, then Kevin's frantic breathing.  
"D-Dana, thank you for what you've done, but I have to go! If they're tracking my signal, they'll find me soon enough; I have to run--Is Night Vale safe? Can you send som--Time! Gah! The time issue, I have no time!" He blurted out, panic rising in his voice. The noise of an opening door and loud footsteps echoed from the radio.   
Voices began to yell. "There! Stop the revolter! Now!" one yelled. Kevin whimpered slightly, the footsteps speeding up.   
"If I die, Dana, I want to thank you for giving me hope in my final hour. Thank you for that; I hope I get to meet you in person to say so." He gasped into the microphone, his breathing speeding up with the need for breath. Suddenly he screamed as the footsteps stopped. A loud thunk echoed as the kit dropped to the floor. "NO! NO, NO, LET ME GO, LET ME GO NOW!" he screeched, thuds echoing as he attempted to fight his way out. Finally, there was only static again, and Dana was left staring at a radio which gave no hope. Kevin was gone. She hadn't done anything to help.

**Author's Note:**

> ....And now, you lot have been introduced to the torture that is called "Kevana."


End file.
